True Feelings

Girl : Do you love me?

Boy : Yes Dear.

Girl : Would you die for me?

Boy : No, mine is undying love.

Post It

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

Everyday Tough Decision

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

Four Tree Too 1

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals,a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.

They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana offthe tree.

Who do you guess will win?

Your answer will reflect your personality...

So think carefully.

Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.




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If your answer is:Lion = you're dull.

Chimpanzee = you're a moron.

Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.

Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.

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A COCONUT TREE DOESN'T HAVE BANANAS!
Obviously you're s tressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax! =)

How to lead a Carefree Life

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,"My Mobile No. Has changed.Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"===================================================== Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .Friend: Really, what is he studying.Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.===================================================== Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.===================================================== Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.=====================================================Ah Beng : People consider me as a "GOD"Wife: How do you know??Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,Oh GOD! U have come again.===================================================== Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house."Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"Ah Beng : "I was watching TV news..."===================================================== Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement."===================================================== How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erasesthe board.===================================================== Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecastannounced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it wouldbe hot.===================================================== Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up andSays "Hello, how did you know I was here?" =====================================================Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cupAh Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?===================================================== Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tenseAh Beng : The future tense is "u will go to jail"===================================================== Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"Servant: "It's already raining."Ah Beng : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."===================================================== A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and notin the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

Follow Your Passion

You don't need to have the Biggest title to do the Best job

Reality Vs Fascination Chap 3

Story of a true Kiong

Chap 3 5 things you must know: Lifestyle of the Kiong and famous

Everyone has been wondering what does Kiong does for a living and also how do he do it despite all the odds against him. Today we will rediscover the kiong-ness facts and friction that surrounds this mysterious lifestyle that threaten the very existence of the human race.

FAT (Frequently Asked Topics)

1) How does Kiong maintain his high maintenance lifestyle

[i.e gadgets like the latest PS 3 (limited edition in pure silver plated) console even though he has a PS 2, Nintendo Wii, Nintendo DS, IPhone (gold plated), ITouch (gold plated), with high end computer (gold plated with 26K Diamond studs)that will resell at least $2mil at the current market rate.]

If you are a big fan of the Kiong-ness series, you will be well aware of his infamous 5K daily allowance. (God knows what he has done to deserve all the riches) With 5K a day I will be kindergarten math to explain the above =)

2) How does Kiong get the chicks.

Well this must be the most important question on the minds of the millions male fans of New Kiong and the answer is ..................... Kiong-Jo. Like our all time favourite Austin Power, Kiong has an arsenal full of powerful mojo that could charm the skirts, jeans, under garments, etc. off all female beings in the planet. Research has shown that Kiong-Jo although fatal and contains oncogenes has astronomical affect to arouse the senses of woman (increases the rate at which hormones are produced and travelled around the body).

For purchase of this outstanding Kiong-Jo (which comes with a money back guarantee of 1 secound from purchase). We guarantee maximum results with minimum effort. Make your order now to reserve the Hot Sellings Kiong-Jo at a discount price while stocks lasts. Terms and Condition apply.

Kiong & Co reserved all rights to cheat, steal, lie, dillusionised, con, rob, heist and create an ultimate deception towards anything mentioned above.

3) When is enough for Kiong

This would one of the toughest question to answer. I would say even after depeleting and consuming the whole damn world, it would never be enough for the ulimate Kiong to say that is enough. Hence I am guessing it would only take only a smack on the spinal vertebrates or the cerebral cortex with mushmallow to bring the giant down =)

4) Where did Kiong Originated

The first, one and only Kiong landed in a space rocket (named Rejected Goods) from the place near KingKong Home for the Sick and Pregnant. He was delivered to a rich family as a gift from the heavenly Gods and was believed to be the reincarnation of the legendary Sus Scrofa.

5) When would the craze of Kiong-ness stop(extinct)

One of the most discussed topic ever to hit the New Yoke Times would be this topic. Guinea Book of Old Record has recorded that the first discussion held with regards to the topic was at the Cathedral of the Giant Pyramid between Cleopatra and Zesus (after an intense night) in 5822 BC. The craze went on throughout several centuries and to date it has rised to lights of Pokemon, Sex and BlackBerry. Experts and Analysis from from the world believed that the craze will persist throughout history and beyond until Homo sapiens evolve to a new spieces or extinct, which comes first.

Biz Thoughts

The more successful you and you organisation become,

The more humber and devoted to your customers you need to be.

Working Hours

After 3 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it.

So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,He told his HR Manager his observation.

The boss looked at him,laughed and asked him to sit down saying; My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?

Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?

Man:- 24 hours

Manager :- How long do you work in a day?

Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager :- So how many days are left?

Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Mimic

Some new ideas for advertisement

Some Common Understanding

AUDI : Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

BMW : Brings Me Women but Broke My Wallet

FIAT : Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

FORD : Fast Only Rolling Downhill

HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable and Inexpensive

SAAB : Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU : Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

VOLVO : Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

PORSCHE : Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

Transparent Dreams

Each Day, life will send you little windows of opportunity.

Your destiny will ultimately be be defined by how you respond to these windows of opportunity.